I never knew it was Gordon
The guy who came from Morden
His face was cute and handsome
So that's when we began some
Adventure most romantic
Impassioned snogging antics
He said I wasn't common
His chat-up lines were rotten

We rented an apartment
And sat there in the darkness
Our income for domestics
Could not afford electrics
Till he got a job on Mondays
Flogging knock-off undies
And when we got the lecky
He just sat there watching telly

I put up blinds and pictures
He wanted to get hitched but
Our money we'd be needing
For another mouth for feeding
He said that I had trapped him
He didn't know how it happened
I told him in his anger
That it takes two to tango

We squabbled through the winter
I felt and he drank bitter
He worked from dawn to evening
While I did all the cleaning
And cleared up all the crap that
He left around the flat and
It seemed I was in prison
As a girl in my condition

And when we had the baby
He said he'd help me maybe
He tried to make an effort
But pretty soon he left it
Sold the telly for a pony
Then pissed it up with Tony
Spent weekends like a loafer
Passed out on the sofa

And now I'm two years older
I'm living with a soldier
I swapped a drunken loser
For a fighter and abuser
He's always on his travels
And so my life unravels
It's just me and my daughter
Alone in Army quarters

Now I'm sitting in the barracks
Peeling spuds and carrots
Cooking stew and dumplings
The radio for company
And now the stupid beggar
Has sent another letter
With his and my dysfunction
We're really up the junction